only one thing on her mind as she chatted
with the stranger - sèx. Within hours the pair
were in bed together and she was delighted
at how her evening had panned out.
And this was not a chance encounter, for
Seyi was a sèx addict and it was what she did
almost every day for 13 years.Last night she
said: "sèx addiction took hold of my life."
Seyi, 35, was just 17 when she became
dependent on sleeping with men. By 19
she'd had 40 partners and she says she has
bedded a shocking total of 370 men.
Her dangerous addiction led her to a life of
destruction – catching sèxually transmitted
infections, being evicted from her home and
having two terminations.
By the age of 30, Seyi had hit rock bottom
and needed help. Today, after attending
numerous sèx addiction meetings and 12-
step programmes, Seyi has been celibate for
four years and is helping others like her.
She explains says: "sèx addiction is
something people associate with men, but it
took hold of my life for more than 13 years.
"It was a craving and a fear of how I'd feel if I
couldn't get it.
"Once I did, it was a huge relief, like a weight
was lifted.
"It's like any addiction. It made me selfish,
self-destructive and depressed but it was a
cycle I couldn't escape."
She adds: "I lost my virginity when I was 13
with my first boyfriend.
"I was shocked when I fell pregnant. I gave
birth when I was 14. It was a very difficult
time."
Social services arranged a nanny to look after
her daughter, Sarah, from six weeks old.
Being a young mum scarred Seyi's childhood.
She says: "I moved out of home when I was
16 with Sarah and lived in a mother and
baby unit. I felt terribly lonely. I craved
affection, I was miserable."
Moving into a housing association home at
17, Seyi met then-boyfriend Paul, 31.
It was now that she began to use sèx to
replace her feelings of loneliness.
She says: "When I started having sèx with
my boyfriend I thought it was the answer and
would stop me feeling so lonely. But it wasn't
enough."
Going to bars, Seyi, from Birmingham,
cheated on Paul at least once a week with
strangers or men she would meet
regularly.She says: "I needed sèx and
afterwards it was a relief. When I couldn't
have sèx my confidence would plummet, I
felt ugly and went into a spiral of upset and
frustration, feeling unworthy and needing
another fix as soon as possible."
Seyi fell pregnant at 17 with son, Andrew.
She says: "I told Paul it was his although
there was some doubt in my mind. After I
gave birth I tried to stay faithful. I wanted sèx
with him four to five times a day, but the
attention from him wasn't enough.
"When the pent-up sèxual frustration became
too much, I'd go elsewhere and get validation
through sèx.
"I cheated on him three times in six months,
then fell pregnant again."
Devastated and unable to look after another
child, Seyi made the decision to have her
baby terminated.
She says: "It wasn't fair on the child to have
them. I didn't know whose baby it was so I
didn't tell Paul. I wanted our relationship to
work but we split up when I was 19."
Seyi's heartbreak made her sèx addiction go
wild. She says: "The only cure for my
loneliness was sèx. I had five guys I could
meet with for sèx when I wanted and was
also sleeping with strangers. I'd go to bars
and easily pick one up. Being good in bed
made me feel worthy."
By 22 Seyi had caught chlamydia twice.
Going out almost every night while her
children were looked after by friends and
family, all she could think about was sèx.
She says: "Between the ages of 22 to 30, life
was a blur, my addiction had taken over.
"I was sleeping with five to six men, or
meeting strangers for sèx at bars weekly. I
fell pregnant again at 26. I felt I had no
choice but to have a termination. I got drunk
and had sèx After the procedure.
"I don't know how I managed to keep my job
as a management consultant. I took lots of
sick days when I craved sèx and couldn't
face the office. I even slept with a colleague.
"I was evicted for not paying rent when I was
29 and had to send my children to live with
my family."
While staying with a friend Seyi saw the
documentary The Secret, about the laws of
attraction. She says: "I knew I had a problem
but never stopped to think about being a sèx
addict. I realised I needed help."
After quitting her job to concentrate on her
recovery Seyi, then 31, went to an addiction
meeting.
She says: "There were six others there and
when I listened to their stories it cured my
nerves. I didn't stop craving sèx straight
away but cut down slowly." Since August
2009 she has been celibate.
She says: "I'm so proud of myself. I've craved
sèx but the programme lets me know the
trigger signs.
"I don't plan on having sèx any time soon. If
the right guy comes along and I feel I'm in a
stable, loving relationship, I'd feel safe to do
it. I have my children back living with me and
feel I'm no longer a sèx addict.
"I'd hate to think where my life would be now
if I hadn't sought help."
Despite her recovery, Seyi lives with the guilt
of her addiction. She says: "I could have
passed on STIs, I had two terminations and
my kids didn't have the attention they
deserved.
"I've now trained as an inspirational speaker
and happiness advocate. At workshops and
seminars I can help others understand what
sèx addiction is, where it comes from and
recovery.
"Being celibate has given me my life back. I
want to help others do the same."
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