A Nigerian medical doctor, relationship/marriage counselor and columnist, Njideka Nwapa-Ibuaka, has penned an interesting piece to couples and those preparing to get married soon.
File photo
1. You should never sleep in separate beds
There is no hard and fast rule about married couples sleeping
together every day, day in, day out. What if one is a lethal snorer?
Does it mean that the other one suffers in silence and never gets enough
sleep? All in the name of love? Yeah right! As Dr. Lombardo says,
“it is a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together
than apart. One partner may be a toss-and-turner, or one may hit the hay
early while the other keeps a reading light burning till the wee hours.
"So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don’t
sweat it. Getting a good night’s sleep is crucial to the health of your
mind, body and marriage.” Don’t make it an excuse to avoid intimacy or s*x.
2. Never go to bed angry
Where did this one come from? Turns out, it may go as far back as
the Bible, which advises not letting the sun go down on your anger. But
trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t
get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author
of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested.”
3. Always be 100 per cent honest
Although we always advocate for total honesty in marriage, please
understand that diplomacy also plays a role in good and harmonious
relationship. So, when it concerns the way your ex-lover treated you in
bed, please do not share the stars that you gave him for super Romeo
lover. According to Dr. Bartlein, in marriage, no-holds-barred honesty
is not always the best policy.
For example, he says, “you don’t need to share details of past
relationships. That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone
comes up short.” The bottom line is: be cautious about what you say
bearing in mind that there are sensitivity issues to watch out for. You
need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.
4. Boring is bad
The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when
couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled
relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to
be healthy. Isn’t it better, she says, to “boringly” know where your
spouse is every night than to be “excited” by constant ups and downs?
“Better to have a safe, relaxed, ‘boring’ life together in the
everyday. You can always inject excitement with vacations and
activities.”
5. You should have s*x with your partner to make him/her happy
Mutual happiness should be your goal within the relationship. If
you are not feeling up to it but he demands it, please don’t do it just
to please him. Sex is for both of you. This may be a particular problem
for women, especially new mothers. “S*x becomes yet another item on
your to-do list, and you think you have to do it for the sake of your
marriage, and the happiness of your spouse,” says Dr. Lombardo.
While neither of those reasons is wrong, they shouldn’t be the only reasons. “S*x is for both of you.”
Of course neither partner should deny each other the joys of s*x as a
punitive measure but none need to feel obligated or compelled.
-The Sun
No comments:
Post a Comment