There
are too many breeds of guys that slide into Instagram and Twitter DMs
of ladies and below is a list of 6 of these kinds of guys that you need
to spot on.
File photo
Unless you are archaic and modern trends don’t interest you, you’ve
probably heard the phrase “It goes down in the DM!” one too many times.
And what is “it” that exactly “goes down” you may ask? Well, as Banky W
(one of Nigeria’s much-loved artistes) showed us earlier this year,
some “sliding” and some “ loving” definitely goes down! Apparently, he
won the heart of his “one true love”, Adesua Etomi, by first sliding in
her DM. “Awwhh, so romantic”… right?
Well, the hype for “sliding into DMs” which followed the couple’s
engagement has not been entirely rewarding for most girls. Trust
Nigerian guys (especially the Yoruba demons and Igbo Wizards brand),
every Tom, Dick, and Harry has since ‘vandalised’ the DMs of girls on
Instagram, Twitter, Facebook…even LinkedIn looking to confidently and
smoothly get their attention…or rather booty. No doubt, a few have had
“good intentions” and have probably even gotten into serious
relationships. Some are not really even looking to make a romantic
gesture, they just want to network. But the ones that come out of left
field tend to be from the guys looking for a date, requesting sex,
flirting, or smack talking.
There are too many breeds of these guys that slide into DMs and
categorizing them is not the easiest…however, below is a list of 6 of
these kinds of guys that slide in the DM. Every girl (slay queen or not)
should be able to identify with at least one of these DM termites. Oh!
And if you are a dude reading this …and you identify with any on the
list, please do everyone a favor and “goan learn work”. You will be
alright. Tainz.
Mr. I am looking for a wife
This guy gets an A* for effort as well as A* for annoyance. This
misogynist who somehow found himself on the social media is looking to
tick off the marriage box on his to-do list. He has run out of options
in their real life (or didn’t have any, to begin with) so he does not
want to beat around the bush anymore. Either that or he feels the idea
of marriage will get you on his case faster than normal. He follows you,
likes all the pictures on your wall and sends the message “Please
follow back for marriage” via DM. Waawu. You don’t mean it.
Clearly, he does not see anything creepy about the message. This
dude does not give up either. He sends so many messages and pictures to
show you how much money he has and how he can take care of you. Uncle,
why don’t you try your village? Surely, a maiden awaits thee.
The Ex that viewed Your Instastory
After 6 months of nursing the heartbreak and finally moving on from
the ‘mumu’, you wake up one morning and see a notification on your
Instagram. You have a message. You open it…Lo and behold, it is Uncle
I-am-done-with you. He saw the picture of a very sexy plate of jollof
rice on your instastory and he wants you to know that “funny enough I
ate Jollof rice last night”. Ok and so? In fact, let’s have a
conversation. You ate Jollof rice cooked by whom? The beesh I caught you
in, ‘init’? Boy bye! I unfollowed you for a reason. Stay in your lane
and let me shine gloriously. We broke up for a reason, sliding in my DM
to tell me about your day is not going to make up for you drinking garri
with my brain. Block.
The 40-year-old Foreigner
It is understandable that a middle-aged man would have some crisis
that would make him feel the need to reassure himself of his “sexiness”,
ability to still get some, or that would make him want to build a
serious relationship and achieve something in life(family wise) if he is
still single. Even more, it is understandable that as a fine girl, men
from North, East, West, and South would feel an attraction…even
40-year-olds. It is what it is. But, dear sir, I live in Nigeria, You
live in New Zealand …distance aside, do we even speak the same language?
Why message me? Is there any hope for us really? Oh! You have been to
Nigeria before, so, we have something in common. Is that right? Eyah.
But then, you have just six followers, but you are following around
6,300 random people…have you considered that perhaps, social media is
not for you? Do you really think your place is in my DM?
The One from Primary School
This guy remembers every milestone you achieved in primary school.
How you cried when you were flogged in front of the assembly in primary
5, the colour of the ribbon and beads you always wore on your hair. You
guys were not very close back then, but he knew you were meant to be
together. He still lives in Aba though and works at Crunchies Fried
chicken at No. 6 Factory Road, Osisioma. He hopes to visit Lagos soon to
see you. Could you also please bring some fried chicken along? This
blast from the past usually would present himself as humble and shy. He
wouldn’t necessarily comment on any of your photos but will follow you
and send you direct messages where he pays you compliments.
Other times, he will try to engage you in conversations about how
things aren’t going so great on his end and how you could possibly lift
him up…as if you don’t have your own problems already. Bro, there is a
reason 20 children don’t play together for 20 years. It was good knowing
you back then. You will be alright.
The Guy With a “business” Opportunity
This one is a manager, music producer or artiste and usually he is
legit too. He thinks you have a TV face and wants you to star in his
music video or he thing you have a great body for modeling and wants to
manage you. He believes he can take you to greater heights. This
sweet-tongued devil will make the offer sound like the awesome
opportunity that you yourself will not start reconsidering your vision
in life and contemplating your destiny…especially if you have fantasize
being on TV or being a celebrity. As soon as you give him your number,
his creepier side starts to show. He starts to beat around the bush and
procrastinate on the work part too. Other times though, this guy read
your bio and saw your profession in your profile and thought it would
make sense to reach out as he has a real business opportunity.
Truth is, you really want to respond to this guy as you never know
where your luck will shine. In as much as you respond to this guy, you
just have to be careful though. 7 out of 10, he uses the job/business
opportunity as a front to hit on you or get laid. Do your due diligence
to research on them before you open your doors.
The Inappropriate One
This guy is just disgusting and inappropriate. He is not shy at all
and seriously lacks charm. He sends a lengthy message objectifying your
pictures and letting you know what he wants to do to you with his
tongue and phallus if you gave him the chance to. Now if this was a hunk
like Edris Elba or Nonso Bassey, you would try and be flattered… but
this guy is not even remotely attractive. Worse, he actually has a
girlfriend whose pictures are plastered all over his wall, except him
and his girlfriend are going through a ‘rough patch’, but even at that,
out of the 16.5k people he follows 16,498 of them are girls. When you
refuse to respond to him, his ego gets bruised and he starts to insult
you saying you’re rude or ugly as f*ck and should be grateful he even
approached you. Please, if I am ugly, why did you jump on my DM and why
are you so burnt? PM friend, please gerrarahere.
Credits: BellaNaija
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