A familiar figure on Nigerian social media sparked conversation on Friday after making a candid post about his lifestyle and relationships. Known to many for his frequent public disclosures about his marriages and divorces, the man shared reflections that, intentionally or not, revealed deeper issues about relationships, responsibility, and self-awareness.
In his post, he stated that whenever a woman shows interest in him, he often tries to understand the motivation behind it. According to him, many of these women say they admire his lifestyle, particularly his constant travels. He went on to admit that his frequent trips are not driven by passion or adventure, but by boredom and a desire to stay busy. He added that if he had a wife who gave his life meaning and fulfillment, he would not be travelling as much.
Taking the honesty further in his comment section, he revealed that at a point in his life, he drove Uber after work—not for financial reasons, but to avoid going home to his then-wife. He said he deliberately stayed out late so he could return home exhausted, eat, and go straight to bed.
Rather than questioning these confessions, many social media users applauded him for his “truthfulness,” with some even expressing hope that he would finally find love in the coming years.
But these revelations raise important questions that deserve deeper reflection, especially for young men and parents raising sons.
Growing up, some men were taught an important lesson: women are neither always the problem nor always the solution. When things go wrong in relationships or marriages, self-examination is necessary. Unfortunately, many men are conditioned to see women solely as the cause of their unhappiness or as the cure for it. As a result, instead of working on their habits, character, or emotional maturity, they simply change partners.
The man at the centre of this discussion has reportedly married and divorced about five times, including marrying someone else’s former spouse. At what point does one stop and ask whether the issue lies elsewhere? Can five different women all be the problem?
Yet, even at an advanced age, he still speaks of marrying his “peace of mind,” while attracting admiration from women who are impressed by his lifestyle or see him as a means of escape from hardship. Perhaps someday he will find what he is searching for—but that search may require more inward reflection than outward movement.
The larger lesson here is simple but often ignored. A man who has peace at home has little reason to constantly run from it—whether to beer parlours, viewing centres, unnecessary trips, hotels, or side relationships. A peaceful home naturally becomes a place of rest, not a place to escape from.
Many years ago, while working at a large establishment along Obafemi Awolowo Road in Lagos, surrounded by bars that stayed open till dawn due to their proximity to Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s Kalakuta Republic, a pattern was observed. After work, many colleagues would head straight to those bars and stay out till late at night. Choosing instead to go home early attracted ridicule. Some said it was a sign of being controlled by one’s wife.
Years later, the choice to prioritise home has proven invaluable. A deliberately peaceful home became a place of safety, joy, and emotional rest. The opportunity to enjoy time with one’s wife and children is not something to postpone. Children grow up and leave sooner than expected, and life itself offers no guarantees.
Today, some of those former colleagues have died avoidable deaths, while others battle serious illnesses. While sickness and death can come to anyone, wisdom demands ensuring that reckless habits are not the cause.
The message to young men is clear: do not envy men who rarely sit at home or those who spend their nights in beer parlours. True fulfillment is not found in constant movement or changing partners. More often than not, it is found by changing poor habits and intentionally building a peaceful home.
A peaceful home is not achieved by repeatedly changing wives, but by changing oneself.
— Chidi A. Okoroafor
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