The first victim to boldly come on my show is a 39-year-old woman identified as Tope (name changed for safety). Her story is a painful reminder of how manipulation, religious pressure, and societal expectations can trap women in abusive marriages.
According to Tope, she married a man deeply involved in a popular church, a well-known worker who was determined to be ordained as a pastor. But there was a condition: no ordination without marriage. Those she lived with encouraged her to marry the “brother,” praising his passion for ministry and his supposed love for the things of God.
At 28, she agreed.
Red Flags Before the Wedding
Trouble started even before the marriage. Tope recalled how he picked a fight over buying a goat listed for the traditional ceremony. Her family insisted he must provide everything required. Angrily, he stormed out.
Her uncle then called her aside and gave her strong ikílo (warnings). He told her plainly that any man who could fight over a goat was not husband material and that she would regret the marriage. His words would later become prophecy. But eventually, the matter was settled.
Just three days before the white wedding, Tope made another shocking discovery—the house he always brought her to wasn’t his. He had no place of his own. She became furious and threatened to call off the wedding. He begged. People pleaded. Eventually, he hurriedly secured a place for them to move into after the wedding.
Marriage Filled With Lies and Abuse
After tying the knot, the lies deepened. Tope discovered her husband did not have a job. During their courtship, he claimed to work with a particular firm—only for her to learn he had been sacked four years before they even met. She was devastated but resolved to face the reality since the marriage had already happened.
Two months into the union, she got pregnant. When she informed him, instead of joy, she met rejection. He told her he wasn’t ready, questioned why she got pregnant, and even claimed he was “forced to marry” her. That was the beginning of the beatings.
His refusal to work or take responsibility pushed her to confront him repeatedly—and every confrontation led to more violence.
She Tried to Help Him, But He Threw It All Away
To avoid the shame of having an idle husband, Tope used her earnings from her well-paying nursing job to open an event décor shop for him. She stocked it fully, hoping he would at least find purpose there. He went a few times, then abandoned it.
She later opened a barbershop for him—he wasted that opportunity too.
That was her breaking point. She vowed never to invest in anything for him again.
With her child, she ran. But her family forced her back, insisting she brought the man upon herself and must “endure,” because marriage is about endurance. Reluctantly, she returned.
A Woman Broken—But Finally Speaking Out
When I met Tope, a professional nurse, she was shattered—emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. She had slept in several unlikely places with her child just to escape the violence.
Before bringing her publicly on my show, I consulted our counsellor and family lawyers for guidance. Her courage to speak is a lifeline not just for her, but for other women walking the same painful path.
— Written by Uche Nwayiocha
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